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ライティング指導例 
受講者が一回目のエッセイを提出後、アーロンのライティングコーチが実際に受講者に返送したメールの一例をご紹介いたします。当方のライティング指導に対する理解を深めていただけたらと思います。 アーロンでは多くの個性豊かなライティングコーチが指導にあたっております。それぞれの得意分野を生かした特色のある指導をいたしますので、指導方法はライティングコーチにより異なります。コーチからのフィードバックは、以下の例とは異なる場合もございますが、どのコーチも受講生のライティング力を高めるために熱心に指導をいたしております。
-- Menu --
1. ライティングの添削
2. 各レッスンの課題と受講者の目標
3. 序論について
4. 本論について
5. 結論について
6. レッスン課題の再確認
7. 英語力全般を伸ばすための指導
8. フィードバック
ライティングコーチは受け取ったエッセイを添削するとともに、添削の理由も書き加えて受講生へ返送いたします。こうした指導内容を効果的に見直すには、マイクロソフト ワードの変更履歴機能の使用方法を知っておく必要があります。この機能の使い方で、不明な点がございましたら遠慮なくコーチにお尋ねください。
Hello Shun,
I have received your first essay, and I have read it carefully. I am returning
it to you now, attached to this email as a Word document. Do you have Word
on your computer?
I have edited your essay in Word, using the "track changes" feature. Track changes is a handy feature in Word that will allow you to see your document in several views. You can (1) look at your original document; (2) look at your document and see all my additions and deletions; and (3) look at the document in final form, which incorporates all the changes I made. The changes look as if they were your own.
A good teacher makes corrections on a student’s paper; a great teacher explains how the corrections improve the writing. We try to be great coaches at Aaron Language Services. Therefore, you will see many notes on your paper, explaining why I made this change or that change. Please be sure and let me know if you have any trouble using the different views with track changes in Word, okay? |
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ライティングコーチはレッスン毎の学習課題を示します。同時にコースの受講目標を常に念頭において、その目標の実現に向かって適切なアドバイスもいたします。
Now, let's get down to business! You want to succeed at the TOEFL test,
especially in the essay section. I want you to succeed, too! I am glad
to hear that you like sports because I think essay writing can be viewed
as a sport such as basketball. In a game of basketball, there are so many
factors. Are all the players on the team talented? Can they dribble the
ball? Can they shoot? Are they fast? Can they pass? How does the team work
together? Are they strong on offense? Are they strong on defense?
In essay writing, you have your individual players (grammar, vocabulary,
syntax, sentence structure, tense, etc.) and each is important. However,
they need to function like a team. Does the essay have a beginning, a middle,
and an end? Do the sentences flow together and create a whole?
There is a lot to learn in life, whether the subject is basketball or writing, and I think that we need to focus on one thing at a time. In future lessons, we'll focus on other aspects of essay writing but I'd like to start this week with an overview of the essay itself. What does an essay accomplish and how does it do so?
Before I forget, I want to remind you that the TOEFL essay must be 300+
words. Your essay that you turned in to me was a little short, in the 250
range. I'd like your next one to be a bit longer. We need to get you in
the habit of writing TOEFL-length essays! |
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エッセイのよい書き始めについて説明します。受講生の書いた序論を読み、分析し、コメントをします。
Three hundred words is not a long essay. Because the TOEFL essay is so
short, it must be very focused. A good beginning is short and direct, only two or three sentences. This will tell your reader what you are going to write.
In your essay, which addresses the question of “Why I Am Taking The TOEFL,”
you begin by saying that you need to get a good score on the TOEFL because
you want to work overseas, and your company requires that you pass the
TOEFL to do so. With properly crafted sentences, that is a fine beginning
for this essay. |
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一般的な本論の論じ方を示すとともに、受講生の書いたエッセイの本論について分析します。ここでは論理的に、事実に基づいて述べることの必要性が強調されています。
The middle section of any essay, sandwiched between the beginning and end,
is the longest part. The middle of the essay is where you make your points.
It is typical to make three points in an essay. Two are not enough. Five are too many. Let's aim for three or four main
points in our essays.
So, let's see what your main points are. You begin by talking about your
career in the automotive industry. Is this something that belongs in the
middle of your essay or in the introduction? I think your career might
be something for your introduction.
Next, you speak about your desire to experience living in the U.S. or Europe.
Good. This is definitely one of your points to explain why you want to
take the TOEFL. You are interested in Western food, architecture, culture,
sports. Good.
Another point you make is about the openness of Americans to non-Americans.
What else can be said about that? That point is made quickly and perhaps
could be expanded a little.
I realize that this was a challenging topic because you don't really want to take the TOEFL. You want to live abroad! Maybe a better topic would have been "Why I Want To Live in the U.S. or Europe."
The middle of your essay, your points, must be logical and based on evidence.
You need to move beyond what you like and what you are interested in. Those
are good starting points but a solid essay will continue with evidence. Where did you learn about Western architecture, food, culture, sports?
Could you cite a TV program, book, or article?
For instance: "I am very interested in European cuisine. I read in
a gourmet magazine that the average French chef goes to culinary school
for four years. S/he is not even allowed to chop carrots in any French
restaurant until s/he completes a formal training." |
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よい結論の書き方について説明しています。受講者の結論の導き方にもアドバイスします。
After making several points, with evidence, you come to your ending. A good ending will summarize. It will not add new information. A good ending
might look suspiciously like your introduction! But make sure it's not
identical, of course. A good ending does not apologize for not having said enough or for not
using good English.
For instance: "It is important for me to succeed at the TOEFL. I truly
want to have the experience of living in the U.S. or Europe. A good TOEFL
score is my ticket overseas." |
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今回のレッスンのポイントを再度示します。受講者はこのポイントを押さえて、次回からのライティングに反映させていきます。
I know I have given you a significant amount of information. Please feel
free to write me with any questions. What I want you to focus on this week, as you think about your essay writing,
is structure. Suppose we make sure that your next essay has a short, clear beginning
that tells your reader what you are going to say. Your next essay will
have a middle section making three main points and offering logical support
for each main point. Your next essay will have an ending that summarizes
what you have said.
The structure of your essay is like the teamwork a basketball team does. The whole team must run together toward the same basket. We cannot have part of the team trying to make a basket at one end of the court and others trying to make a basket at the other end of the court! The individual players (your sentences, your vocabulary, your grammar, etc.) are important, too, and we will focus on them in future lessons. But today, the task is to think about the whole essay, the whole team, working together.
I will send you your second assignment early next week (and I will try
to make it a more fun topic). When you write your next essay, keep all
these structural ideas in mind, okay? |
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英語力を高めるための指導もいたします。アーロンでのレッスンに加えて是非こうした学習も取り入れて、力を伸ばしましょう。
| I think this was a very fine start, Shun. Before I sign off, I would like
to ask what you are doing to work on your English skills, besides this
Aaron course. Are you reading English for pleasure? Are you involved in any English clubs?
Can you watch any TV programs or movies in English? As you know, the more you hear English and see it on, the more you will
take it in and wear an English groove in your brain! |
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アーロンは、マンツーマンの指導を提供いたします。受講生からのフィードバックを大切にして、次回からの指導に生かしていきます。
When you have time, let me know your thoughts about this first lesson.
What worked for you and what did not? Again, I will send you your next assignment early next week.
Meanwhile, have a good weekend.
Best, Rachel :) |
上記の英文が難しいと思われてもご心配なさらないでください。受講者のレベルに合わせた英語でご指導をいたします。
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日本における英語翻訳、英文校正、他言語翻訳、他言語校正などの代表者連絡先 ： honyaku@aaronlanguage.com
アメリカのカリフォルニア州サンフランシスコに拠点を置く翻訳 （ 英語、和英、英和、日英、英日、論文翻訳等 ）、英文校正、多言語翻訳、多言語校正、ネットスクールの英文ライティング指導等の総合サービス。
ALSはグローバル体制で24時間対応。
（ なお、お支払いには日本国内の銀行口座をご利用いただけます ）。
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